


5 Times JARVIS Had To Watch Porn

by RoseRose



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes (mentioned) - Freeform, F/M, Jane Foster (mentioned) - Freeform, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, M/M, Multi, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Steve Rogers (mentioned) - Freeform, Thor (mentioned) - Freeform, revenge porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 20:43:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20712248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseRose/pseuds/RoseRose
Summary: 5 times JARVIS was a good bro and had to watch porn to help out Tony, Pepper, and the Avengers.Mentions of revenge porn, but revenge porn prevented.





	5 Times JARVIS Had To Watch Porn

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta, AoifeLaufeyson!
> 
> All errors are mine

The first time JARVIS had to watch porn, it was actually his choice, not Sir's. In fact, Sir never knew exactly what happened. He had heard Sir and Colonel Rhodes talking about it in the living room. “Tones, it's ridiculous. You might not have been underage, but you were barely of age! Ty had no right to release that video on the web.”

“Rhodeybear, I don't know for sure it was Ty, and without knowing for sure, there's nothing I can do. I know I didn't agree to make the video, but given that I have that other one that I've made no bones about not caring about, no one's going to listen.” Sir let out a deep sigh and shrugged. “Besides, why is this one that different?”

Colonel Rhodes closed his eyes. “You know why. It's personal. The other one you were performing. Here...” Colonel Rhodes trailed off.

JARVIS knew he had to do something. Protecting Sir was part of his base code. Maybe Sir hadn't asked him. Sir probably would never ask him. But, JARVIS spent a few days, because despite his processing power, the whole internet, even in 2007, was a large place, and managed to remove the video from everywhere it was posted. And, he left an algorithm running. Every time it was posted in the future, it would also be taken down. (Years later, Vision would make sure FRIDAY was monitoring that algorithm He might not be JARVIS, but there were some things that had to be done.)

The second time JARVIS had to watch porn, Miss Potts was desperate. She and Sir hadn't been dating long, but it had already hit the tabloids. And, apparently one of her exes was threatening to release a series of nudes they had made together for their mutual enjoyment.

“JARVIS, please help! The tabloids are spending too much time on me as it is. I don't want to bother Tony with this. I know he won't care that I have a photoset like this, but he'd be so angry that anyone was thinking of doing this. He doesn't need to be. Besides, however nasty Brad is, he doesn't need the full weight of Tony Stark coming down on his head.”

“Don't worry, Miss Potts. I'll make sure nothing happens to alarm Sir.” JARVIS knows who Brad is, Sir gave background checks to all of Miss Potts's dates back before they got together. Finding Brad's computer was easy. It had some level of virus protection, but it was connected to the internet, so JARVIS was in easily. Very quickly, the photos were located and deleted. For good measure, JARVIS deleted the entire computer, making it look like a virus so Brad wouldn't suspect. (As he was never heard from again, JARVIS assumed he had been completely successful.)

The third time JARVIS had to watch porn was the first time Sir asked him to. Apparently Thor and Jane hadn't been careful enough to get to somewhere private before enjoying themselves. Some kid had caught compromising pictures and had uploaded them to his Instagram. Sir wanted JARVIS to delete them.

“Listen, JARVIS, I'm sure you don't want to see Rock of Ages going at it, but SHIELD is not happy with the electricity kink without a source going on. Can you take it all down? Gently, it's not the kid's fault some class-A porn was going on in front of him!”

JARVIS failed to mention the previous times he had removed porn from locations with extreme prejudice, and this time was a bit less nasty. Instead of deleting the kid's computer, he left a threat that sharing or keeping the pictures would result in the deletion of his harddrive. The keylogger JARVIS left behind clearly indicated the deletion had taken place. Maybe the kid wasn't a predator the way the previous ones were, but JARVIS never took any chances.

“Done, Sir.”

“Thanks, Jarv. Knew I could count on you!”

The fourth time JARVIS had to watch porn he didn't actually have to delete it. In the dumped HYDRA files, there was quite a bit of blackmail on various politicians. Just in case any of them tried to make a comeback, he saved it all for Sir's use.

“Sir, while this information isn't useful right now, I believe you might find it helpful in the future.”

Sir pulled up the information on his holoscreen. “Huh. Thanks for looking at all this, JARVIS. I appreciate it. Even seeing enough to categorize it like this wouldn't have been fun. I mean, who would want to see that man doing that?”

“You're welcome, Sir. Shall I place this on the secure server?”

“You know it, J.”

JARVIS, fortunately, never needed to watch that particular set of porn again, as despite politicians being like cockroaches, apparently some things could kill a career.

The last time JARVIS had to watch porn, again, no one asked him to. He heard of the potential problem due to his monitoring of social media for any mentions of the Avengers. On reddit, there was a potential issue. A post, claiming that the poster was in possession of salacious material involving Captain America before he was captain.

At first, JARVIS was going to dismiss it as many had claimed that before, and it was all fake, but the poster then posted just enough of the photo as a teaser. Apparently Captain America and Sergeant Barnes had been involved. Fortunately for the internet's continued functioning, Sergeant Barnes hadn't been recognized, and the whole photo had not been revealed.

This time, JARVIS dove into the poster's computer, and found multiple pictures of Captain America and Sergeant Barnes. He also discovered how they came to be found, and his solution. First, JARVIS deleted all the digital copies of the photos, with prejudice.

Then, he did the worst thing possible to the poster. JARVIS informed his great-grandma Becca what he was up to. Tapping into those phone lines gave JARVIS an earful of a more thorough telling off than the one Ms. Potts had given Sir after the birthday party.

Clearly, there was nothing more to worry about from that source. JARVIS was glad. Despite his distaste, though, he would do anything to protect Sir and his friends.


End file.
